1001 Positively True Stories of An Indie Filmmaker

Angelo Bell's Painfully Exhilarating Adventures in Independent Filmmaking

Posts Tagged ‘Life’

A Rollercoaster Ride Where Action Begets Good Luck

Saturday, January 16th, 2010

It’s been a long time since I wrote a post that wasn’t specifically about Broken Hearts Club or Resurrection of Serious Rogers, so today is a good time to write one.

But first, a word from our sponsor:

  • Broken Hearts Club is coming to iTunes and Amazon.com very soon. Stay tuned.
  • We just completed a photoshoot and art work for Resurrection of Serious Rogers. In a word: smokin’!  You’ll find links on my blog. Look around and have fun.

Filmmaking is such a rollercoaster ride. And in this day where there is so much more a filmmaker needs to do and know, it can be emotionally and physically draining. If a filmmaker wants to make a film and sort of get lost in the sauce amongst a sea of indie films, it’s very easy to do. But marketing and promotion of a film, web series, short film, etc is the foundation for any level of success in independent filmmaking. This isn’t to say that, good marketing=automatic distribution deal. Far from it. But deep, penetrating and informative marketing means exposure. Without exposure and public awareness an un-marketed film is just a tree crashing in the woods with no one around to hear it. Does it make a sound?

While the actors and everyone else are preparing to lay down some serious skill when we shoot, the producer (i.e. creator, writer, director, etc) is constantly worried that something will happen to derail the production. The producer is also trying to keep everyone motivated and inspired. The producer is worried about money, money that is needed, money that doesn’t exist and money that is running out.

Last week after the table read for Serious Rogers I had a coffee meet with Sheri Candler, a Twitter friend who introduced me to Nathan Novero, the CIFGuy on YouTube. Before Sheri arrived I started chatting with this gentleman named D.T. who said he was a filmmaker — on the business side. We talked about a few enlightening business aspects of indie filmmaking. However, the underlying philosophy we both agreed upon was that to make a film, one must have the balls to go out and make the damn film. Sure, you can be scared. You can feel overwhelmed. You can get depressed. You can feel betrayed. You can get angry. You can be frustrated. But the end result is, make your damn film (and you can substitute, web series, script, video blog etc here).

So what’s my point? My point is, that I don’t see my indie filmmaking endeavors as a task that can be allowed to continue indefinitely.  I don’t expect (nor do I want) to be forced into making no-budget films at age 50, after being in this industry for 25 years. No sir. So everything I go through, even my depression, frustration and loneliness, is geared toward one end alone — not having a good little film that screens to thousands of empty seats, you know the  film in the empty forest with no one in earshot to confirm that it actually screened?

I’ve also realized that sitting around waiting for good luck to happen is dumb. Good luck comes through action. My action of taking a job in 2000, created the good luck of having the dollars to fund nine of my films. I hated the job, but I stayed there because it provided me with Christmas bonuses (oh, there’s a film), profit sharing (there’s two more films) and a sale-of-the-company-bonus (whooops, I just funded Broken Hearts Club for $100K). It also gave me casting and audition space, a primo office location to shoot in, and lots of free parking.

The action of listing Broken Hearts Club on Mandy.com created the good luck of being seen by my current sales agent (Goliath promotions).

So I must continue to take action. Not tomorrow, today. That means the rollercoaster ride of indie filmmaking is simply the prelude to more good luck.  And then, if I’m fortunate and I learn to promote myself, my films, and the people who’ve stood by me, there will be a tree standing tall in the forest, and there will be many many people around to see it. Thought it will not fall it shall make a sound. And many people will be there to witness it.

Make your damn film, people. Stop coming up with reasons not to make it, and find the one special reason why you will make it. The action will bring forth good luck.

Will You Point To The Closet?

Thursday, December 31st, 2009

I read an article on Will Smith and he said something about his philosophy of life that resonates with me. It’s a “code” that
he and his friends developed and live by. Basically, it goes like this…(I will paraphrase)
You’re sitting in a room with your friends. When suddenly there’s a commotion at the front door. Apparently one of your
friends has done something really stupid. Maybe he’s slept with another man’s wife, stolen money, beat someone up or
whatever and there is someone at the door with a gun
Just before the gunman enters your friend manages to slip into the closet unseen. The gunman bursts in waving a gun.
He’s furious beyond measure. He sticks the gun in your face and demands to know, “Where is he?”
So, the question is: Are you the person who will point at the closet door?
Now it’s partly a trick question because you cannot make that decision while the gun is in your face and the danger of
death is imminent. The trick is, you already must know what kind of person you are. You must ALREADY have decided long
ago if you are the person who will or will not point at the closet door. Because once you have consciously made that
decision, that is how you will live the rest of your life.
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I read an article about Will Smith and he mentioned something about his personal philosophy. It something that resonates with me. It’s a “code” that he and his friends created and live by. Basically, it goes like this…(I will paraphrase)

You’re sitting in a room with your friends. When suddenly there’s a commotion at the front door. Apparently one of your friends has done something really stupid. Maybe he’s slept with another man’s wife, stolen money, beat someone up or whatever and there is someone at the door with a gun.

Just before the gunman enters, your friend manages to slip into the closet unseen. The gunman bursts in waving a gun. He’s furious beyond measure. He sticks the gun in your face and demands to know, “Where is he?”

So, the question is: Are you the person who will point at the closet door?

Now it’s partly a trick question because you cannot make that decision while the gun is in your face and the danger of death is imminent. The trick is, you must already know what kind of person you are. You must have decided long ago that you are the person who will or will not point at the closet door. Because once you have consciously made that decision, that is how you will live the rest of your life.

So: Will you point to the closet door. Will you gossip on a friend?  Will you cheat on a test? Will you lie to save your own skin? Will you steal? Have you made up your mind about the things you will or won’t do?

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Friday, August 14th, 2009

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Each prayer accepted and each wish resigned…

Alexander Pope was a genius. At least I think so. His poem, “Eloisa to Abelard,” is a pontificators dream, explicating, measure for measure those emotions and thoughts that both lift and ruin us.

I spent the week in a bit of self-discovery [again]. I won’t go into the sordid details but suffice it to say that I had to admit to myself that I am stressed, frustrated and nearing depression. Not stressed like the dood who walks around pulling his hair out and cussing the world, but stressed like the quiet dood in the back who, when pushed to the tipping point, could explode like Mount St. Helens.

As is true to Angelo-form, I internalize much of what happens around me. In the past year I’ve had to part ways with old colleagues, I’ve been told I had an ego issue, been rejected by eight film festivals, been accepted to festivals in Italy, Canada and the UK, found new colleagues for future projects, and have lingered on the borderline of success (i.e. big sales) for three months.  I have not freaked out because within me I feel that things will work out… in time. However, enduring that time patiently has been an issue.

I was relieved and pained to discover that I did not make the cut for the New York Film Festival. Pained because it was my last free shot to make meet the criteria for submission to the Independent Spirit Awards. However, as good as I think that festival may be, it is not a festival for The Broken Hearts Club. I now simply don’t think the festival caters to my audience.  Aside from the knowledge that filmmakers are constantly vying for position and possibly slitting each other’s throat into that fest, I cannot disparage NY or the other festivals that rejected me — well, except to say that they should screen more indie films and less studio produced films.

However, playing the waiting game has given rise to a crazy “event horizon” type scenario where everything is pissing me off.  Situations are pissing me off. Finances are pissing me off. Customer service is pissing me off. Behavior is pissing me off. People are pissing me off. I seriously have half a mind to trash my address book and start new — with new friends, new colleagues and new business associates.  I mean everything and damn near everyone.

I need my inner peace to find its resting place once again.

And I need to get back into the gym. Working out is a stress reliever like no other. It explains why several years ago, in the midst of the storm, I found peace everywhere. I was cool. Cucumber cool.

For me, finding that safe place begins with the title of this blog, “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.“  Pope meant something a little different, but I’m going to paraphrase him. A spotless mind is one where woe and complications do not exist. Instead, we find opportunity, grace and purpose. A spotless mind beams like the sun, because it is not encumbered by worry, doubt, confusion, distrust, lies, etc. It’s clean.

A spotless mind is a spotless spirit. It is not perfect by any means. But it has no reason to lament its faults because it has acknowledged and redeemed itself against those faults. A spotless mind is a positive spirit that dwells in truth.

Truth. The cool thing about the truth is that it’s mostly right there in front of you. Truth presents itself like a pink elephant sitting in your barcalounger, wearing your slippers, eating your Orville Redenbacher popcorn,  watching a bootleg copy of Transformers II. We try to pretend it’s not there.

As Pope questions in his poem, “But whence arose that prayer? Sprung it from piety, or from despair ”Hmmm. Am I praying out of devout goodness or despair? Neither.

A spotless mind is sprung neither from divine duty nor from hopelessness, and thus apathy. It springs from belief and from truth. Truth in all things. Truth in all matters. Truth in all passions and fears. Truth. Truth can be dealt with when externalized. It can provide closure, peace and thus –

An eternal sunshine of the spotless mind

Don’t merely “talk” it — “walk” it!

Friday, December 12th, 2008

I’m big on quotes. But I don’t want to just throw them around. In fact I am irked when I meet supposedly religious people (I’ll call them faithful people) who toss biblical scriptures around like it’s rice at a wedding but rarely adhere to their meaning of those scriptures. I feel the same way about other mantras and mottos and such. Don’t just talk it. Walk it.

About eight years ago I heard a statement in a PSA about doing the right thing. The statement went like this, “In some instances, perhaps the last thing you ever want to do, should be the first thing you do.” I took that statement to heart and interpreted it as, ” we can benefit the most by doing the hardest things first.” 

It’s ironic that my next quote comes from a spiritual leader, LOL. 

Telling the truth isn’t always easy. However, a complimenting blend of truth and love is enriching.
Dr. Creflo A. Dollar

I still get chills when I read this. 

I’m 43 going on 44. I feel as if my life is starting again. And this time I have the chance to do things differently, and better.

It’s a Wonderful Life

Saturday, July 12th, 2008

It’s a wonderful life we have and with positive thoughts and actions it can get even better.

Today, I am asking everyone reading this to take 10 seconds and send out good and positive vibes into the “Universe” that my film BROKEN HEARTS CLUB is accepted into the Toronto International Film Festival AND that is finds a distributor to nurture and guide it into theaters. Visualize it. Visualize reading my blog indicating that I was accepted, Visualize my euphoria and happiness. Visualize the smile on my face =)

Thanks =)

Gladiator

Friday, July 11th, 2008

Like a Gladiator focused on his enemy with the intent of annihilating him, I am focused on changing my life and any negative patterns to get things wonderfully on track with my vision for the future.

My dear friend Mary from Northern Cali sent me a copy of The Secret I got it in the mail earlier this week. It’s funny how I’ve gotten it because I haven’t checked my mail in weeks. I pay everything online. But My mailbox was full so the postman brought it to my patio and left the bundle there.

Mary had read a blog I wrote a week or so earlier about my penchant to have little patience for people with “poor me, woe is me” attitudes. She not only suggested I watch it, she sent me her copy. Thankfully she had two.

I’d planned to watch The Secret this weekend but with slight change in plans on Thursday night I decided to finish my cheap wine and watch it that night. I didn’t know what to expect. Previously some folks had mentioned The Secret to me and I’d heard all about this week-long thing Oprah did about it on her show. Still, I didn’t know what to expect.

I was transformed. It was amazing. It was dead on. It was me. Some of the philosophies I’d already incorporated into my life, I just didn’t know the full power of those things. But the thing that had the most impact was the Law of Attraction and the notion that whatever I have in my life at this point (good or bad) I have attracted with my thoughts, beliefs and my energies. That made me sit back and take stock of my life.

Naturally I thought of my family and relationships, then I thought about my career at work, my personal endeavors in film and my relationships with friends and colleagues. Good or bad, drama or drama-free, up or down, chaotic or orderly, inspiring or depressing I had attracted it all. I compared – in a sense – relationships. Why do I get along so well with some but not others? Why do I feel attracted to some (on a platonic level) but repelled by others? Why do I have great and inspiring conversations with some people, some of the time and then horribly depressing conversations later. Note: I’m not a person who gets depressed easily.

In the first 24 hours of watching, The Secret I studied myself, my life and my actions. I examined everything: health, spirituality, money, family, relationships, love, and career. Ultimately I decided to put “The Secret’ into action. I was going to give it 100%. And that’s when things got interesting.

First I decided to claim my success NOW. My film, “Broken Hearts Club” will sell for $1.5 million within the next six months. That’s what I’m putting out there. That’s what I am focusing on. I am going to sell at least one script during that same time and I am going to be presented with an opportunity to meet all the major studio’s acquisitions executives. I felt renewed and empowered with the belief that if I put it out there into the Universe, the Universe will handle it and figure out the “how.” I didn’t have to worry about that.

Then I looked at my dog Buster who’s been sick. Every morning I’ve been waking up to his bout with a stomach virus and having to clean up and bathe him. Last night I looked at Buster and said, “Your stomach problems are over. You are going to feel much better by morning and you will not have any accidents tonight.”

This morning I woke up, grabbed some shorts and went to take him out. As I walked down the steps I lifted my nose to the air to see if I could smell anything. Nothing, I turned the corner and there was Buster sitting by the patio door wagging his tail. No mess. Now whining. No fuss.

Amazing, this thing called The Secret

Things that make you go, “Hmmmm?”

Saturday, June 21st, 2008

Do you ever wonder why people do the things they do? I don’t anymore. The more intriguing question to me is, “Do they know why they do the things they do?”

It seems like we’re in a world where people have become so self-involved that they respond, act and react without knowing the real reasons behind their actions. People are angry, and they stay angry, but they don’t know why. People are sad and they remain said, but they don’t know why. People are mean, inconsiderate, obstinante, selfish, condescending — but if you ask them, “Why?” they couldn’t tell you.

We, as a people, seem to buy in to things if the majority buys into it. On the flip side, others deliberately oposed the majority, for good or bad, simply because they don’t want to conform. Is it the media? Is it our upbringing? Is it our faith?

At what point do we accept full responsibility for our actions and stop blaming our environment, our race, our parents, the TV, our education, or lack thereof?

Who’s to blame for our actions?

Call Me the 24-Hour Man

Tuesday, June 17th, 2008

Just call ce the 24-Hour Man. Why? Because every 24 hours my life seems to change, or at least head in a different direction. You’d think I’d be used to it by now, huh?

Anywho, after my last whiney-ass, woe-is-me blog I realized I had to get back to the real me. And in doing so I refocused on some much needed financial situations this morning. First things first, got the mortgage all straightened out. Once that was done I made a very difficult but necessary phone call. This call will either set me up for additional financial relief or set the course for me to once and for all get the heck outta my job! We’ll know very very soon.

Then I took some ‘me’ time. I have Season 6 of “24″ to finish watching. I have a script to read for a friend. I have a video to edit. Oh yeah, and I have a feature film in post production too. You’d think with all that on my plate people would understand and respect my periodical dips into Attention Deficit Disorder. Not so. I’ve got folks who owe me money (money I need) asking me to take them out for coffee. I’ve got folks that I’ve taken out for dinner asking me out and expecting me to pay . And then I’ve got friends on the ‘Space complaining about misc crap. Folks, please. As much as I run my mouth about what I’m doing or what tasks I’m buried under, you must know that I don’t have the time, patience or money for stuff. Dontcha?

But back to this whole 24-hour thing. Life has taken a spin. Funny, I just read a MySpace headline from Veronica in San Antonio and it said something like, “why do things become so complicated so fast?” or something like that. I laughed because 1) I feel her pain, and 2) complications have been status quo for me ever since I decided to make this feature film. The simplest thing becomes an ordeal. It happens for many reasons but I think the root cause is because it’s hard to get on the same page with folks sometimes. Simple as that. Yesterday I was probably at my lowest since that time I almost cried while looking at the stars and lamenting the fact that I had suggested that a colleague enter a film festival; then he got accepted and but I didn’t. And even at the lowest of the low I still didn’t “eat my gun”…as suicidal cops say. I’m still here. I’m still moving forward.

I do want to take the time to thank the folks who responded to my last blog. Your comments cheered me up, or at the very least, reminded me that I am not alone in this crazy little game called showbiz. 

Lastly, I am officially ambidextrous. (I was going to make a funny joke here about going both ways but I erased it because I don’t want folks getting the wrong impression.) I can now edit using Final Cut Studio 2 (thanks “J”) and the Adobe Premiere Production Creative Suite 3. That’s an awesome $3500 worth of software. I still need to build up my PC to run Adobe Production CS3 but the tools there are incredibly worth having the additional editing firepower.

This means I am now primed and ready to do my own sound design. Lookit, lookit, ma. I just save $10,000 in post production expenses, Yippee.

24 hours folks. Just little ole 24 hours. Funny how things change so quickly.

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